I was sitting here, thinking about that roommate I mentioned in my last post… we haven’t had sex for about 3 weeks because… guess what… I had EXPECTATIONS about our relationship!
The opposite of what I said I wanted to do in my last post. Ha, ha, ha. Isn’t that funny?
I fell in love with him. And I told him that I loved him after he told me that he slept with another girl 2 weeks ago. He returned the “I love you,” which I was honestly surprised about.
But I’m sitting here feeling lonely again because I have developed expectations about my relationship with him (let’s call him R*). I feel kind of crazy, but I love literally every thing about him. Okay, there are some things I don’t love, but even the things that piss me off, I try to lovingly accept.
I feel so fucking needy right now. I just want him here with me. Maybe it’s because I know he’s probably seeing another girl and I just want to know that I’m more important than her.
Because I fucking deserve to be with a man who knows he wants to be with me! I have so so so much love to give and share… I deserve a man who can handle my love and give me just as much, and more, in return.
I need to keep reminding myself of this. And if R cannot share that love with me, I need to lovingly let go and move on…. much easier said than done.
I keep holding out hope that he’ll come around to me… and I’ve been trying to be so patient. I know there will be a breaking point. I feel like the fact that he’s apparently seeing another girl should have been that point…
More to meditate on later.